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THE STATE OF NORMALITY
Romania, 1989
By DOINA HORODNICEANU
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© 2002 Doina Horodniceanu
CHAPTER 7
Less than a month after that, it was the evening of the 4th of March 1977. I
was supposed to pass by Marta’s but I had a beer with some friends and then I
went directly home. I used to visit her very often during that time, except
that night I thought I didn’t have anything to tell her. It happened before,
that one or two days went by without seeing her.
I just got home when the phone rang. It was Marta. She wanted to know if I was
still going to show up or not. Then, without waiting for my answer she asked:
“Listen, is your house shaking too?”
“It’s an earthquake, get out!”
A crystal vase fell over the phone I was talking to. The conversation was
suddenly interrupted. The house started to twist out of its foundation. The
chandelier, with all its six light bulbs, swiveled wild touching the ceiling.
“Turn off the lights, the bulbs are going to smash, the wires can break and a
fire might start,” Ioana shouted.
Pieces of bricks and mortar were falling upon us from the ceiling. The walls
shook, the doors whimpered out of their hinges. The tables, the chairs were
moving, hitting each other. In the kitchen the dishes, the pans, the glasses
started a chaotic dance on the shelves, with a sinister tinkling. The gnash of
the furniture wouldn’t stop. Everything was moving in a crazy saraband under
the rain of mortar. What could we rely on, when we were frightened and shaking
without being able to stand up on our own feet?
“Let’s get out. The house is going to collapse!” I yelled at Ioana who
remained petrified between the doors. I pulled her out. The door opened by
itself slammed by the wind. From outside we could hear the patter of the
bricks falling from the roof, the tiles rolling down in the yard and on the
street.
The big earthquake hit the city. Where did it come from? When? It was a clear
night with full moon. Even without the lights on, it was as much light as
during the day. We looked at each other mute, still, paralyzed. The pieces of
the broken vase clinked, spread at my feet. Could that be the end?
It lasted a minute, an hour, a century? We found ourselves in the backyard.
From the neighbor houses people crazy with fear ran towards the park.
Suddenly everything became quiet. It lasted only one minute. But during that
minute we’ve been through hell. That hell, that nobody will ever be able to
describe with all its dreadfulness. It threw us from our world of certainties
to a different one without any stability. Even our existence wasn’t certain
anymore.
A cloud of dust was floating upon the city. A thick smog through which the
moon shone red with an insupportable hideous smile. We entered the scattered
house. The phone was working but nobody answered at Marta’s. Hand in hand,
Ioana and I started a long run downtown.
It was chaos. The first moments of confusion turned into panic. Everybody
tried to escape on the stairways, which didn’t resist to the too much
trepidation and pressure, collapsing. On the streets, cars, wagons and trucks
ran back and forth. The buses had been converted to ambulances. Later the
phones stopped working. Ruins blocked the tramlines. The power went off. There
was no water either. Crowds of women and children lined up in front of the
fountains carrying water in big buckets. The number of the deaths was unknown.
Hundreds, thousands? On Cathedral Hill there were no houses left, not even
one. Soldiers dug under the ruins looking for survivors. You could still hear
the screams from under the wreckage. It was a stunning view. At a corner three
women were crying with sharp, acute screams, pulling out their hair, tearing
their clothes off in front of a cadaver just pulled out from the smashed
ruins. It had rained in the morning, and now a smell of mud, ash and burned
wood was floating over the city.
It was just the beginning of a nightmare. Destiny made no distinction between
rich and poor, workers or intellectuals, good or bad. A lot of people thought
it was an atomic bomb. First there were two strong horizontal shakes followed
by others on the vertical. The earth waved and a dusty cloud rose over the
city.
All the big apartment buildings in our neighborhood were in perfect shape.
When we heard the first rumors coming from downtown we didn’t believe them.
Approaching the central area, we noticed a strange agitation, a nervous
disturbance on the streets, a lot of curious people. We started to run.
Marta’s apartment building was completely destroyed and she was nowhere. The
whole ten stores building was gone. The empty place in front of me, terrified
me. I remained still. Ioana stopped in shock too.
“She must be alright!” I mumbled. “Yes, yes she should be somewhere in the
crowd.”
It was a terrible rush around the ruins. On a stretcher, a woman’s body,
broken to pieces. It wasn’t her. We burrowed, through the people clotted
together, yelling her name. She wasn’t there.
“Move away! What, you didn’t see dead people before?” Somebody shouted.
I couldn’t take my eyes away from the monstrous pile that covered her. How was
that possible? It wasn’t more than half an hour since I talked to her. And
now?
Three days and three nights I stayed there watching the ruins, imagining that
it wouldn’t be possible… That she was maybe alive. I didn’t realize the
absurd. I was deluding myself with useless hopes just to allow a stronger
desperation to take over me again. Even worse than the wishes I knew were
hopeless.
Three days and three nights full of remorse. Why have I done that and not
different? Why did I leave her alone that night? Why? Why didn’t I go there,
when I was supposed to? And then others and others why…. Endless and useless.
I escaped the disaster. I was there, alive, tortured, unable to make peace
with myself. Not even Ioana could settle. She was shocked too. She was very
nice to me. She stayed right behind me, all the time.
After three days, when they pulled out Marta, alive, from her grave, where she
was buried for eighty-four hours, I burst into sobs.
Being young and sportive, Marta recovered soon. The stories she told us after
she left the hospital and improved a bit, refuse to be written. The fears she
went through and the terrific anxiety can’t be described. Comparing to the
moments lived by someone in the dark, in a grave, where every meaning of life
fades, the stories told by Dante after visiting the Inferno seem simple
naiveties.
To be in a tomb of stones, mud, dust and broken pieces of a mirror for
eighty-four hours, relying only on a slim ray of air coming through a hole
upon you, these are horrible hours. To be not able to move any of your body
parts except for the left arm used to measure the distance to the ceiling
coming closer and closer it was unbearable. To contemplate the prospect of it
collapsing any moment over you and crushing you, these are incredible
experiences that, as many others, of the same kind, can’t be put on paper. No
matter how real they are, they seem impossible.
To feel how a ten floors building falls upon you, it wasn’t a misfortune, it
was a curse. To cry for help when you knew that nobody could hear you, to
listen to the noise made by the soldiers digging on top of you, and when they
got closer to hear them saying:
“Here it’s nothing. Nobody could survive here.”
To listen to their talk and yell back without them hearing you… What a
torture, what a terrible struggle, when not even hope could help you anymore.
When you lost your faith that somebody could still save you. Everything she
told us fell behind the possible.
And still, somebody saved her. It wasn’t a human been, but a dog. One of the
dogs they brought from the Alps, to sniff, with their instincts, the life, if
there was any left. It smelled among the ruins, it dug using its claws until
started to bleed, hurt by the stones and mortar, and gave the salvation
signal.
And so, after days and nights of horror she was pulled out from the dead.
Marta survived.
Tudor’s girlfriend died. She was so young, so nice, and so pure. A petit with
childish face. When in thousands of deaths, one has a face you know, a smile
you know, death becomes horrible, concrete.
Four days after the earthquake, the city was still a mess. The buses and the
trams started to work. We still didn’t have water. The number of reported dead
and missing people was around four thousand. Half of the city was ruined. Most
of the old buildings were transformed to rubble. I used to walk and get lost
in those old neighborhoods. I liked to watch the houses, the little stores,
the restaurants. I liked to feel their mysteries. I knew that destiny would
decide for all of us, but I didn’t imagine even for a moment, the macabre view
of that day when everything became a crumbling wall in a few seconds. And none
of us imagined the future either. None of us had enough power to change
anything, then or now.
The stupefaction produced by the earthquake was dispersed little by little.
Impatient waiting for the future took its place. Nobody foresaw all the
madness, the misery and the danger involved in the general atmosphere of
desperation, anger and hate. It was just the beginning of the disaster. With
consternation, our beloved President noticed how fragile our old architectural
monuments were and decided to smash all those that survived the earthquake and
build instead new apartment buildings in the new communist style, along with a
new society and culture.
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