Living Lonely

By Tina Portelli

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He was in his fifties and living lonely. Bob's wife was still alive, but
their marriage was dead. It had been for fifteen years. He's tried to make
it otherwise with outside help, but nothing helped. Therapy became a
temporary fix that would keep the two afloat intermittently.

Twenty -eight years of anniversaries and two Sons later, what did he have
except plenty of time alone in his office. And, an occasional visit from
one son or another. He had money, the resources which could have enhanced
an already happy life, but he didn't have a happy life. He only had his
money and the illusion of a happy life, to everyone except him.

To compensate his void, he fueled his friendships. Because of his fierce
loyalty and devotion to others, he is very loved. Helping people was how
he received his satisfaction. It's what got him through the rough times,
helping others. Reading other peoples stories. His own story was too
lacking to read every day.

He tried to make a change, I give him credit for that. He moved out, for a
short while. Not long enough to test the waters of freedom. Not long
enough to realize there is a life beyond, and better, than the one he
knew. But he never found out.

This man was not strong enough to endure the lonely hours of separation.
Or the guilt inflicted upon him by his children, his wife. In the dark
of night, he longed for his comprehendible and predictable life. He
missed his family being together, not that his kids were children anymore,
the son's were men and on their own. But Bob couldn't let go of the
family unit. He had to keep the family together at any cost. He could
not move on with his life and still sustain the family life he needed. He
could not unite the two different lifestyles and chance being alone or risk
being happy with someone else.

It would cost him big. Yes, he would keep his family in tact. But he would
forever lose the one woman who meant the most, the one who didn't need him
as a meal ticket. The one who was strong and could give him back to his
wife knowing it was what they both needed.

I miss him often and much, but these two living lonely is far worse than me
living alone.