One Virgin, Many Deaths

A Stageplay

By Geoff Adeleye (Nigeria)

Act 4, Scene 1

          

ACT IV
Scene I

                                     A room in BELARU’s house
                       Enter FIPAPO and TUDANI
FIPAPO [no greeting]: Renate! Renate! Come out!
TUDANI: Run out from wherever you’re!
FIPAPO: Don’t you hear?
TUDANI: Tell us with what will a peacock feels proud when
   we he’d had her tail plucked up?
FIPAPO: Pride is overvalue of self-worth
                Desire for fame her prime birth
TUDANI: We say come out at once!
FIPAPO: We warn you now!
TUDANI: Why must you hold off until we put a screw on you? 
FIPAPO: Get out, murderer of passion! You either reveal yourself now or
   we show you up. We’ve little or no value!
TUDANI: And if there’s any it must be insignificant.
FIPAPO: So we waste no time to make anybody an object of
   public ridicule.
TUDANI: We’re from the palace.
FIPAPO: We came with power and authority.
TUDANI: So we can break in, pull you out, rub your mouth on the floor.
FIPAPO: And urinate on your body.
TUDANI: We’ve power to do anything worse than that.
FIPAPO: But, friend –
TUDANI: What?
FIPAPO: I discovered. I recognised. There’s always, at least, a
   stunning quality that underlines pride.
TUDANI: Rubbish! You’re seeking favour from her! Oh, yes! I could see!
FIPAPO: Who?
TUDANI: Fat fool, ask me again.
FIPAPO: Watch that your protruded mouth that looks like a
   wounded snout or else I bruise it for you.
TUDANI: Be careful, you know you’ve weak hands!
                                 Enter RENATE
RENATE: Why quarrelling, poor slaves?
FIPAPO: Ah, over my head, big affront!
TUDANI: What nauseating derogation!
FIPAPO: Please, we’re men of great offices.
TUDANI: For your correction, we’re no slaves but respected
   palace guards!
FIPAPO: Even though we don’t sleep on bed, at least, we eat from
   fine, clean, ceramic plates – not broken-gourd-made or rubber
   plates, please.
TUDANI: Original ceramic plates!
RENATE: Who asked you?
TUDANI: Wait a moment. We’re coming to that.
FIPAPO: May we ask you, do you eat from ceramic plates as we
   do? [darts wildly to their plates-basket, turns it upside down]
RENATE [shocked, claps her hands]: I think you’re insane. What are
   you finding there, you idiot?
FIPAPO: Searching ceramic plates.
RENATE: Should that make you litter everywhere with water and crumbs?
TUDANI: Keep quiet, sepulchre, have no shame? Are these not
   plates used day before yesterday? Only beautiful outside!
RENATE: Nonsense! Stupid things, they ere used in the morning.
TUDANI: Queen of beauty, well done! Do you want to tell us that it
   isn’t yet time to keep them clean?
RENATE:  That’s your business. You’re free to wash them.
FIPAPO [covering his nose]: Nasty odour like stink of stale sweat
   pervades everywhere. Friend, you see, I couldn’t find any one, not even
   a broken  piece. Half calash, half rubber!
TUDANI [To RENATE]: I think you can see that you aren’t better than us.
FIPAPO: Please, tell us, do you sleep on bed? We agree; we
   don’t. [rummaging the whole room]
RENATE: What again insane, bedbug?
FIPAPO: Finding a bed, perhaps it’s packed up. Be honest, do you
   sleep on bed?
RENATE: Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Indeed, you’re clowns!
TUDANI: Hi, hold it there!
FIPAPO: Why this crass laughing? Are we making fun or performing
   a drama? With clumsy set up of the whole house that looks like a
   sty – yet a beautiful lady lives in it – I conclude: no one sleeps on
   bed here!
TUDANI [pointing]: Look at that mud-raised platform.
FIPAPO: Beautiful lady, is that your bed? Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!
TUDANI: So you can see that you’re not better than us.
FIPAPO: Why are you then proud?
RENATE: If I am not a thousand times better than your master – I
   mean Prince – why then his mad chase after me?
TUDANI: Oh, no, dirty insult over Prince’s head! We’ve got to
   fight! [removes his clothe]
RENATE: Look at your stomach ridden with black spot everywhere,
   poor slave! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!
TUDANI: She’s hit me badly.
FIPAPO: What a shame! Wear your clothe back immediately.
TUDANI: I’ll do so at once! [wears his clothe back
FIPAPO: As for the mad chase, you didn’t score that. Don’t think you’re
   somebody because our great Prince proposed you. Any man can
   propose to any woman – it’s a matter of love. Even an insane man
   can propose to you, proud bug. [RENATE, acutely struck, glued to
   the spot, broods away] Do you think I can’t approach you and
   make love? [moves close to RENATE] I love you with all my
   heart! You’re the only sugar in my tea! You’re the only meat in soup!
   I love you! [wanting to kiss her, there she breaks down]
TUDANI [happy]: Oh, Prince has won! [punching the air]
FIPAPO: Together with her beauty, absolutely defeated!
TUDANI: Ah, madam, do you still cry?
FIPAPO: Let her weep blood, she’s reaping what she sewed.
TUDANI: You don’t know what you’re saying let Prince hear it.
FIPAPO: We’re very sorry. [they prostrate
RENATE: When you get at home, tell your Prince –
TUDANI: That?
RENATE: He has spun the hope
                  Into an endless  rope
TUDANI: Why?
RENATE: He has overplayed his hands.
TUDANI: How?
RENATE: Sending the palace fools to mock me. [turns to go]
TUDANI: Don’t go yet. We’re on our own. We treated you very bad
   because of what  we heard about your proud refusal to Prince’s proposal
   to you. He sent us to simply deliver a message to you that he would soon
   join you so that you can serve him better. He’s a choice epicure. Please,
   prepare before him moreish meal. Thanks.
FIPAPO: We plead guilty.
RENATE: Notwithstanding, you’re a jinx on his fortune.
FIPAPO: Won’t you forgive us, our great Queen of Betuda?
TUDANI [Aside To FIPAPO]: Can you see how proud she’s? At least
    we achieved our goal: we put her into her place.
FIPAPO: You’re right. Let her do the worst.
TUDANI: Goodbye, madam!                  [Exeunt FIPAPO and TUDANI]