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A Corner of Addiction
By Violet Sarah Love
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The woman stands in a corner outside on a cold, dark night in October
with her head bowed low as she does not have the energy to lift it. As
the woman stands in the corner feeling the rain pour down on her and
seeing her breath create fog in front of her face and watching it float
up to the dark night sky, she reflects on the scattered emotions that
she feels. Pain, depression, anxiety and fear.
She no longer cares about anyone or anything as it takes too much effort
for her to do so. She no longer even cares about her appearance, she
considers it a waste of time. Her hair is tousled and unwashed, her
dress wrinkled, and her mascara running down her face from the spill of
the raindrops that pour onto her. The only thing she still cares about
is the one thing that she is dependant on, the one thing that makes her
temporarily happy, her drugs.
As she stands in the dark corner, she begins to feel the withdrawal
symptoms kick in. Cold sweat begins to pour from her small-framed body,
a pounding headache is invading her head and chronic stomachaches
assault her. All of the physical pain makes her yearn to round the
corner that leads to the front door of her drug dealer's townhouse.
She tries thinking of things other than the constant pain. She thinks of
her best friend, who wants nothing more than for her to get through this
hard time without the assistance of drugs. The best friend who has spent
so many nights staying awake with her, offering her support and comfort.
Her mind begins wandering to the reason that she has for starting using
the drugs as a comfort tool. She pins the blame on two people, her
parents. If it had not been for their death she would have never started
taking the drugs. If only her father had remembered to turn off the car
engine and the carbon monoxide had not filled the garage and invaded the
house, then she would not be having this problem right now. She curses
them in her mind, for she thinks that it is their fault. She just could
not handle their death, so she turned to heroin in order to be able to
deal with the pain more sufficiently.
She is so confused about what to do that she starts contemplating
suicide. Part of her wants to take the drugs to ease all of the
emotional and psychical pain that she is feeling, while another part
wants to stay clean in order to make herself and her best friend proud.
She begins sobbing and starts thinking that anything, even death, would
be better than having to make a decision. There is a void filled with
darkness inside of her that she does not know how to fill. She is unsure
of what would fill it, drugs or self-pride.
Still sobbing, she slowing starts walking forward to her best friend's
house. She walks down the long dark alley in the cold, praying that she
will be able to make it through the night without giving into the pain
that calls out to her, that begs her for the drugs that she feels she so
badly needs. She takes a deep breath and watches the fog that comes up
from her mouth and to the front of her face as she enters that door that
leads to the inside of her friend's home.
As she walks through the hallway and into the living room, she sees her
friend sitting in a black velvet chair, watching a movie on the
television. At the sight of her, her friend gets out of the chair and
walks towards her. The both sit down on the coach and her friend told
her how proud she was that she did not go to the drug deals house. They
continue to watch the movie for a few minutes when all of a sudden the
woman hears a change in her friends breathing. She glances over and
notices that her friend has fallen asleep. The psychical pain continues
to nag her to the point where she can no longer stand it. She quietly
gets up from her seat and walks towards the doorway. With one last look
at her friend, she leaves the house.
As soon as she steps outside a burst of cold wind and sharp icy rain
hits her like a slap in the face. She begins walking in a fast pace with
determination towards the drug dealer's house. She has come to the
conclusion that she cannot survive without the drugs. She would rather
die than go through all this emotional and psychical suffering.
As she turns the corner that she was standing in just earlier she starts
feeling happy at the thought of satisfying her craving. She enters the
drug dealer's townhouse and is immediately greeting by loud gothic music
and the smell of marijuana smoke. She silently hands the dealer her
money and he gives her exactly what she wants, with the drugs in her
hand, she turns and heads out the door.
Back in the same dark corner once again, she rolls up the sleeve of her
dress and inserts the needle into her vein. As the heroin is injected
into her blood stream she starts to feel very calm and relaxed. This is
what she has been wanting all night, her craving is finally satisfied.
She begins to slouch over and then sits herself on the cold, wet ground.
All of a sudden she starts to feel incredibly shaky and freezing cold.
Her body starts going into convulsions and she starts to feel terrified.
This has never happened to her before, it must be bad drugs. She never
thought that her dealer would ever rip her off or give her bad drugs.
With that final thought in her mind, her body stops moving and she dies
in the corner on the cold, hard ground.
