| Recent Novels |
| Recent Stories |
| Recent NonFiction |
| Recent Poetry |
|
|
|
|
RADHA: The life of an
Indian Dancer
By R. Saraswat
"I guess you could say I met your father when I was a professional dancer
at
the local cultural center." She looked down at her son as she spoke. They
had
been walking all the evening, just talking. He was 10, and she was almost 40.
He was a beautiful Indian child. Large eyes that bored into you with
curiosity. She was a beautiful Indian woman. A retired classical dancer and
singer. She had a perfect figure, and it stayed even as she aged. The beauty
that once existed when she was younger was quite evident. She was still
beautiful, and she made women of her age quite jealous. She and her son had
settled down next to the train tracks. The last train of the evening had
passed by a while ago, so there was no harm in sitting there, away from
everyone and everything.
"How old were you when you met him?"
She laughed. "Well let's see. I must have been.25. Yes, yes. We were married
a
few years later, and then I had you, Avinash." She smiled after saying
this.
"Then I had you."
"Tell me more about dad."
"Your dad, he was a great person. So supportive. He was the one who made me
so
well known. I joined this dance group he had. And things just went on from
there. But your father, he did everything. Everything. I'd still be in my home
village dancing in front of about 10 people if it weren't for him."
"So why did you leave? What did he do that made you stop loving him?"
"I.E. didn't stop loving him, it wasn't anything like that. We just realized
how different we were." She paused. "But about the day we met. Let me
tell
you about it."
"Radar, are you ready yet? The hall is full of people!"
"I'm so nervous. I don't know if I can go out there. I just can't. Papa is
out
there. So is the rest of the family. And those people from the cultural
association. They're all there. I can't do it."
"Radha we've been best friends for 25 years. since the day you were born.
Never have I seen you back out of anything. Especially something you know may
change your life forever."
"That's just it, Sargam, that's it. If I ruin this tonight, then I have no
future."
"And what if you don't ruin it. Let's just say that you went out there and
you sung like a songbird and you danced like the wind. Then what would
happen? Your future would launch. And every door in your life you wish you
could open will swing open in an instant. Only if you give it a try. Now
people are waiting. Do it."
"Thank you Sargam. I'd be a wreck if it wasn't for you."
"You are a wreck Radha." She teased.
"So what happened, mother? How did you do that night?"
"Well Amar I must've done pretty well. Because people wouldn't leave me
alone
for the rest of that night. I got so many compliments. And I'm usually never
so prideful about these things, but I was just so, so happy with myself. That's
a day I will never forget."
"But how did you meet Papa then?"
"He was an agent from a cultural center in Bombay. We met after my
performance."
"Radha Radha Radha!" Sargam burst backstage. "You did it! I told
you! You
were so wonderful out there. Did I not say that you could do it???"
"Sargam I don't know how!" We both squealed and jumped.
"Now you have the duty of going out there and being swarmed by everyone in
that hall. All 150 of them. Take a deep breath. Go!" She shoved me out of
the
back of the stage, out into the open where I was swarmed with happy people,
all congratulating me. There had been a few mundane performances before and
after mine, but no one congratulated them. I must say I felt pretty bad for
those people, but I couldn't help but to be happy about my success as well.
Well just then, the head of the cultural center approached me, with a few
kurtha clothed men behind him.
"Radha, these are the representatives of the Krishna Cultural Art Centers
from all over the country. This is Vikrant." He pointed at a short man
behind
him, who was a little fat. "How do you do?" he said.
"This is Gopal." He pointed to a taller man, with a beard. "This
is Ajay." He
pointed to a man about his height, who looked a little shy. "And this is
Avinash." It was then he pointed to him. A tall, dark man. A sweet smile on
his face, a notebook in his hand, a pencil behind his ear. We shook hands,
and I couldn't stop looking at him. He seemed so kind. Then he spoke. "I
don't really have a specific branch in India, but I do go around the world to
Indian Cultural centers. I present shows of different kinds, and they raise
funds for local temples." His voice was so deep and mysterious. "How
wonderful." That was all I could say. My boss looked at me. "OK Radha,
now
it's my turn. You did an excellent job tonight. Looks like all of those
endless hours of practicing paid off." He turned to the representatives
behind him. OK then, we'll leave her to her family. Bye, Radha." They left,
except for him, your father. He stayed behind and turned to me. We didn't say
anything for a while. I was just looking around. Every now and then people
would stop by and say a few kind words, I would thank them, and then they
would move on. But Avinash just stood there. I had the feeling he was almost
studying me. He started talking first.
"That was quite a performance you put on today."
"Oh thank you. I've been working on it for a while."
"That was very evident. Look, I have to talk to you about something.
Although
we've only known each other for about 3 minutes, I have a proposition for
you. You see, after seeing you dance, I've realized that you possess
something that a lot of female performers in this day and age don't have."
"That's very flattering. What is it that I have?"
"Charm. Beauty. It's captivating watching you sing and dance up
there."
"I don't know what to say."
"I do. I want you to join my group. My traveling group." I was so
shocked. I
couldn't breathe for a moment.
"Your, your traveling group? You mean I would go around the world with
you?"
"That's right. I'll take care of all expenses. But I need you to promise me
something."
"What?"
"That you'll stick with it. Promise me that if you join me, you won't
leave.
Not at least for a year or so."
"A year? Away from my family? I don't know." Then, one of the
representatives
came up to him and whispered something in his ear about leaving to get to a
press conference. Avinash turned to me again.
"I have to go. Press conference. Here." He scribbled his number on a
card.
"Take this. Let me know. We could use someone like you." He smiled,
and
walked away.
"Wow. So you called him right?"
"Eventually I did. After consideration. I talked to everyone. My family. My
friends. Not a single one told me that I shouldn't go. Everyone encouraged
it. I finally mustered up the courage to call him about a week later. I told
him I was prepared to go, and he made all the arrangements. I had just made
the biggest decision I would ever make in my entire life. From that point on,
nothing would be the same."
"That's why you named me Avinash? After my papa?"
"Yes, that's exactly why."
"So then you just called him up and told him you were ready to do what he
said?"
"Not exactly. I had to see him. I needed to make sure this was the man who
I
wanted to trust my career with. I couldn't assure myself of such a thing over
the phone."
"So what did you do?"
"I went to see him of course."
It was about a week later. I had called him up to find out where he lived,
and surprisingly some receptionist picked up. It was then I knew he must've
have been at least a little important, or else how could he manage his own
office and receptionist? Anyway, I asked her for the address of the office.
Then I hung up, took a deep breath, and at that very moment I left for his
office. When I reached there, I wasn't too impressed. It was a small one
floor place that almost looked like a house. There was no sign outside.
Because he traveled so much, he had just rented a little space to set up his
office while he was there. So, I went inside. There was that same
receptionist. She directed me to a door and told me that Avinash had been
waiting. This scared me. Was he upset that I came to meet him face to face? I
was almost ready to turn around and go back. But I knocked on his door.
"Come in." He declared. I walked in. "Radha! How good of you to
come in
person! Look I've been thinking. I really want you to join aboard. I know I
gave you the option to think about it and I promised myself I wouldn't
pressure you. However you must realize that this is the big time. This is
something that a lot of people would love to do, believe it or not. If that
sounds too crazy, don't worry because it isn't. "
"Look Mr. Avinash."
"Call me Avinash."
"Mr. Avinash." I continued, not amused. "I don't know who you
are. I've never
heard of you before. I don't know what possessed me to even consider your
offer. I might be trusting my entire life and future in the hands of a man
who for all I know could be a crook! Someone who might extort me." He
looked
puzzled, but I continued. "But at the same time. There is sincerity in what
you say. Something inside says I should trust you, and indeed put my future
in your hands. So I came here to say I will do it. I am so nervous about
this. I am so uncertain. But I'll do it. And if you ruin me. If you mess my
future up. I swear I will never forgive you. And perhaps That doesn't sound
like anything to painful, and perhaps that doesn't mean anything to you, but
it means something to me." We were quiet, just like after my performance.
"I don't know what you say. You've shown me who you really are. Someone who
is bold. A little rude. A little untrusting. But I still believe in you. Don't
ever forget that. That is all."
"That's all? You're not going to tell me anything else? When are we going
to
depart? What are we going to do?"
"I'm here for another few weeks. You won't find anything out till about the
night before we leave. Get used to this, Radha. The business is fast paced.
You have to be ready for everything. In the meantime, I want you to practice
a good strong sing and dance routine. We will be going to some places that
are heavy in culture. You have to be as perfect as you can about this. That
is all." I was so surprised that he expected me to do all this, and be
ready
to leave my home whenever he said. It was too late to turn back now. So I
left.
"Let's go home now. It's getting dark and cold."
"But will you finish your story?"
"Of course. We'll talk as we walk. The walk is long enough."
Over those next few weeks, I practiced and practiced. I had even learned a
few new acts and songs so I wouldn't be doing the same thing over and over. I
perfected as much as I could, but it's hard when you are pressed for time.
Avinash finally called after a few weeks. He said we'd be leaving the next
afternoon, and that I was to pick up the written plan. When all was said and
done, we left the next afternoon. It was sad. I kept on looking back. Avinash
was sitting next to me in the fancy car.
"Why is it you keep on turning around?"
"I'm just looking back."
"Don't ever do that. It's not something you should do. Let me tell you, it
hurts the most when you try to hold on to those things you just don't have.
Come on. Things will be bright from now on. Just don't you worry." His
driver
was taking us to the train station. We were going to Bombay, where we were to
meet the rest of the Cultural Tour people. I was nervous. I was afraid that
they would be better than me. You'll understand soon enough. Competition is a
big part of the real world.
"Why do you look so worried?"
"Worried?" I answered stupidly. "I'm not."
"I can sense when someone is worried. You don't need to hide anything. Now
tell me. Are you nervous about meeting the group? They're great. They won't
give you any problems."
"It's not that specifically. What if they are better than me? What if my
talent is next to nothing to what they have? Then what will happen?"
"Radha, let me explain something to you. This is real deal. You are good at
what you do. But at the same time, you must accept that people will be better
than you. They have been doing this stuff since they could walk. Don't be
overwhelmed. At the same time, there are people that you are much better
than. But that doesn't make them lesser people. And because other people are
better than you, it doesn't make you a lesser person. Do you understand?"
"I think I do." I felt so childish.
"It's getting cold, Avinash. Why didn't you bring your jacket?"
"It was so warm when we left the house. I'm hungry."
"Well wait till we get home."
"We're so far, though!"
"I know. Just keep on listening. You'll warm up soon enough."
"Look! There's a food stand!"
"I think the owner is closing up."
"But don't you know him?"
"I do.."
"So can't you ask him to make something for us? It doesn't have to be
anything big."
"I don't know about that. But we can stop by and talk to him. Did you know
he
was your father's best friend?"
"Wow really?? That's so weird because we're talking about Papa right now.
Let's talk to him." Radha smiled and walked her son over to the stand.
"Raju!" She exclaimed happily. "It's been so long! How have you
been?"
"Is that you, Radha?? Where have you been hiding for the past year?"
"I've been right here, Raju! I was taking little Avinash out for a walk and
in the midst of talking we walked all the way out here."
"I'm hungry." Avinash told him.
"Avinash!" Radha scolded. "Be quiet." She turned back to
Raju and smiled. "We
were just talking about Avinash's papa."
"Oh his papa? Well did you know that he and I were great friends?"
"Yes, I did."
"Hey Raju, do you have a story about Avinash?"
"Avinash? Hmm.I don't seem to remember anything in particular. Though there
was one time he sacrificed a big function for me. This was before you joined
the Cultural group, Radha. So even you haven't heard this story yet.
Sit. sit.. I'll fix you something and tell you all about it."
We were at a small café in town, and he and I were talking.
"Avinash, I brought something for you." I was very excited.
"Oh Raju what did you bring?"
"This." I handed him the invitation to my marriage.
"Look at this. It's so wonderful. I'm so happy you and Annu finally decided
on
a marriage date. I'm very happy for you."
"And if you want to make me happy, then you'll tell me that you will
come."
He looked at the date.
"November the 4th.." He didn't look too thrilled.
"Yes, yes. That is a Saturday."
"Listen, Raju, I have to make a call. I'll be right back." So he left
the
table and went to call someone. I didn't know it at the time, but he was
calling Prameet Krishnan, probably one of the biggest names in stage
business. I didn't know what he said. He murmured something to him, sighed,
told him something, then hung up. He turned around and there was a look of
forced happiness on his face. I pretended not to notice.
"Of course I can make it, Raju. I wouldn't miss it for the world."
"Excellent, Avinash. Thank you. You have made my day!"
"So what did he say on the phone, Raju Uncle?"
"Well, he told Mr. Krishnan that he wanted to back out of the reserved spot
he had for one of the shows that took place on the night of November 4th.
Krishnan told him that if he backed out of such a big function, he would lose
a spot at that center forever. You don't understand. This center was a grand
thing! So many people would go there. It was a big thing to give up. But he
did it. He did it. Just to make my wedding. And he never told me. I found out
a while later."
"Raju Uncle, where is he?" Raju was surprised. "Who? Your
father?"
"Yes." Raju turned to Radha for help.
"Avinash, I think we should get going. It's getting cooler." She dug
for
money in her purse, and handed some to Raju. "For the snack."
"What is this, Radha? You are paying me? Never." He pushed her hand
back. "I
could never take money from you." She smiled gratefully.
"I don't know what to say."
"Say you'll visit my stand more often and bring the little one with
you."
"All right Raju, I will. Let's go Avinash. Now where did I leave off?"
"You were about to go to Bombay."
"Oh yes, so we reached there. It turned out the group was actually very
nice.
That was a major relief. Once we got there, I stopped getting all that
personal attention from your father. I guess I realized what I had gotten
myself into after about 2 weeks. We had done lots of shows everywhere.
Every time after I finished, I got to say a few words to the audience. Well,
one day after I had finished my performance, I realize things wouldn't be the
same.
"That was Ms. Radha Kishore, ladies and gentleman." I had just
finished a
performance. During the past two weeks, the announcer had always called me up
after my performances to ask me to say a few words, since I was still new to
the group. Just as I was about to speak, he cut me off.
"Our next performer is Ms. Isha Mathur." I was surprised. Why didn't he
let me
say anything? I just stood there. Then I heard Avinash whisper from the back
of the stage.
"Radha. get out of there. It's time for the next performer! Get off
stage!"
Embarrassed, I rushed off the stage. I bumped into Avinash. We were face to
face.
"Why didn't you leave the stage? What was wrong?? The other performer
needed
her room! You don't just stand there! You should know that by now!" I was
hurt.
"I thought I was supposed to say a few things like I always do, about how
thankful I am that I joined the group." He looked irritated.
"No no no! That was then, when you were new and fresh. This is now.
Everyone
knows you."
"Avinash it has only been 2 weeks."
"2 weeks in this business is lifetime, Radha. No one wants to hear your
speeches anymore." This really shocked me.
"Fine. I knew this was one big mistake." I left him standing there. If
we
weren't back stage, I would've yelled at him for being insensitive. But if I
did that, the audience would be able to hear us, and I have a feeling if we
weren't back stage, he would want to yell at me too. We went back to the
hotel after that performance. I had managed to avoid Avinash the whole night.
That is, until right before I was about to go to sleep. I saw him approaching
me in the hallway. I wanted to get into my room and shut the door and lock
it, but I decided it was better I talked to him. He came face to face with me.
"I suppose you've come to apologize, Avinash. It's ok. I understand. When one
is under stress, one can easily become inconsiderate."
"Excuse me? Radha I came here to get an apology from you. I was not
insensitive. But you have to stop acting like such a baby just because you
aren't the center of this show anymore. You don't realize that, do you? Just
because I tell you the reality, you threaten to leave the show. What kind of
tantrum is that?"
"I never for once thought this show was about me! I should've known better
than to join an industry where people's first thoughts are about how much
money they make. You only do these things so that this show gets better
ratings, and so that you rake in all the money."
"That's what you think I'm all about? You think I don't care about all of
this culture and art represented with this dancing? You think I'm a shallow
money hogging boss?"
".That's not what I meant."
"That's amazing, because that's how you've made me feel."
"Look I trusted you. I trusted you with my career, and now your pushing me
aside without warning. Don't forget, I've only been in the business for 2
weeks. That's 14 days. Do you expect me to accept everything overnight? This
is overwhelming for a village girl like me."
"I'm sorry. This must be different for you. I understand that. Look, people
are selfish in this business. Including me."
"No, no, you're not selfish, Avinash. You're just doing your job. And your
job
means this then so be it. Goodnight." Without waiting for his reaction, I
went into my room and shut the door. We hadn't resolved anything really. I
was still upset at the fact that I wasn't as appreciated as before. I guess I
had accepted that, as much as I didn't want to. Successfully enough, your
father and I managed to keep away from each other. We traveled to a lot of
places over the next months, and keeping away from him, I became close to the
others in the group. They were all great people. But they had been friends
with each other for years, so they were always together. As for me, I found
it hard to adjust because I didn't know anyone. There was this one girl that
I always ended up sharing a hotel room with. Her name was Mamta. We always
ended up the same hotel room together and I guess that's how we became
friends. Oh she was such a nice girl. She was so helpful. It was funny. The
day Avinash and I began speaking to each other again was the same day Mamta
and I really connected and became friends.
I suppose your father always had one weakness. He couldn't stay mad at anyone
for very long. One night, after a performance, I went into my hotel room.
Mamta was there, sleeping, so I was creeping quietly into my bed. But I found
a note on the dresser. Mamta always slept with the light on, so I could read
it. The note said "Meet me at the hotel café. We must talk. -Avinash."
I
didn't know what to do. I finally decided that I should once and for all make
amends with him. I changed into something nice, and went down to the café. It
was dimly lit, and no one else was there. Just the bartender. And your
Papa, there he was, sitting at a table for two with a candle. I sat down right
in front of him. He smiled.
"I was beginning to think you wouldn't come." I couldn't hide my smile
either.
"I wouldn't do that. You invited me here, so here I am."
"There you are." He just looked at me again. I could see the flame of
the
candle. It lit up his eyes, and that was when I really noticed his eyes. They
were so dark. I had always found them mysterious, but now I found them lonely.
Wanting.
"Radha, the way we keep avoiding each other isn't healthy. Your
performances
in the past have been what has kept our program so alive. There have been so
many times I've wanted to congratulate you but, but I couldn't. I just
couldn't bare to have you walk away from me again.
"I'm not like that, Avi. I wouldn't walk away from someone without
reason."
"I know your upset because this career isn't what you expected. Would you
believe me if I told you that I was like this too? I expected everything to
fall under my command, being the boss and all. But it doesn't work that way.
People complain, they moan, they want this and that. I'm not God. I can't give
everyone everything."
"I realize me being childish didn't help the situation."
"You weren't childish. I understand why you reacted the way you did."
"I want to forget all that, Avinash. Things are fine now. I am happy,
believe
it or not. I've settled in. This is what I want to do. Who I want to be."
"I'm so relieved to hear that. Most people want to start a family.settle
down. That's when they leave the group."
"No, I want to marry."
"You do?"
"Yes. But I want to meet the right man."
"What kind of man? One who adores you and who's fallen in love with you
when
he first saw you? One who will swear to love you his whole life? One who
promises to make you and will make you happy? IS that him?" Our eyes met. I
looked away.
".I suppose." I looked back at him. "It's getting late. I should
go."
"Ok." That was all he said. I got up. But I was still looking at him.
He was
still looking at me. I turned around, but I knew he was still looking. I
could feel it.
"Is that when you first fell in love?"
"Yes, I think so. I could tell the man he was describing was himself. I
think
he had loved me ever since he saw me that one night at the function."
"But you said you and Mamta became friends that night."
"Oh, we did."
I came back into the hotel room. The lights were still on, and Mamta was
sitting on her bed with a large grin.
"Tell me, Radha, how was it? What did he say?" I tried to look
innocent.
"What did who say?"
"You can't play Miss Actress with me. I read the note. I went down to the
café myself because I thought the note was for me. But he told me it wasn't.
So what happened?"
"We talked, that's all. Nothing else really."
"Radha, he invited you to the café. At night, when the lights were dim and a
candle was in between the both of you. He was dressed up! I don't think
that's business. I think it's."
I cut her off. "Don't say it. You're wrong, it's not." I smiled despite
myself.
"You like him, Radha. Admit it. I know you do. I can see it. Don't
you??"
"I.do."
She clapped her hands in excitement. "I knew it!! I knew you did! This is
great, Radha! Just great! You two will be so wonderful together, just think!
Our star dancer marries to handsome group owner. It'll be written
everywhere!"
"Marries??? Are you mad, Mamta? I just like him a little. Things like this
don't lead to marriage."
"I know. But it would be so wonderful to just, to just have it happen."
I
shook my head.
"No. Yes, it would, wouldn't it?" We laughed. I realized that I had
made a
friend.
"So what happened then?"
"Well, we would meet each other in the café after performances and we'd
eat
and laugh together. And it slowly happened. Our love was mutual, and he
confessed that he loved me. So did I. Every night after that we were always
together. Talking. laughing. It eventually hit the papers. Then he asked me if
I wanted to get married. I was shocked. I didn't know what to do. He told me
his parents approved. I didn't think mine would. They wanted me to marry
someone from the village, someone they knew. They would never let me marry
this traveling group owner.
"Did you talk to your parents, Radha?"
"Yes, I did. They're against it, Avi. They said they won't support me or
you."
"They what? No. Well what are we supposed to do?"
"I don't know."
"What if we got married anyway."
"I couldn't do that!"
"Why not? We have enough money to live together! We can support
ourselves."
"I can't do it without my parents consent. It wouldn't be right."
"I see. Radha please, you don't live with them anymore. They can't do
anything
wrong to you. They just said no because they don't believe we can do it.
Marry me, Radha. We can show them that we can do it. Then they will approve.
Once they see how happy we are, they will. I know they will."
"So I agreed. I don't know why, but I did. We were married soon after. I
was
crying because it had always been a dream to get married with my parents
present. We didn't go on a honeymoon, we just continued with the group. We
traveled worldwide after that. That was honeymoon enough for us."
"What about Mamta? She must've been so excited that you two finally got
married."
"She was. It was sad, what happened to her."
"What?"
"Mamta?? Where are you??"
"I'm in the bathroom." I heard her say. I knocked.
"I have some mail here. Some letter from a cousin."
"Oh just throw it away!" I heard her sniff. "It's just another
congratulations. She started bawling.
"Mamta what happened?!?" I opened the door. She was on the floor of
the
bathroom crying. It looked like she had been doing it for a while.
"My career is over, Radha! Over!"
"What are you talking about? Didn't you read the reviews for your dance
last
week? They were great!"
"My parents won't let me go to London for the show. They want me to come
back
home to get married." I dropped to floor next to her.
"Mamta." I didn't know what to say. "It can't be over."
"It is! I'm marrying some NRI! I have to live with him now. I don't have a
choice! My dancing. It's all over, Radha. There's no way left for me." I
cried
with her that night. I was so upset.
The next day, I talked to Avinash.
"Avi, did you hear about Mamta?"
"Yes I did. What is this?? 4 people have dropped out to get married. 4
people! That will bring down our ratings."
"It's more than ratings. It's Mamta's life as well."
"I understand. Why must parents be like this?"
"I don't know."
"I've made a decision, Radha. I'm dissolving the group."
"You're WHAT?"
"Everyone is dropping out. We'll be a total failure and everyone will just
suffer miserably. Don't you see? This is for everyone. It'll make them happy.
They can do what they please. I'd be more than happy to give all of them
recommendations to the other groups."
"What about us?"
He smiled. "We can start a family. We can live in that big house we've
always
wanted to live in. WE can live that life now." I couldn't help but to be
happy.
"Oh but the group."
"Radha I won't let them leave us without finding a proper job. Once they
are
all back on their feet, we will start our life."
"So that was that. The group was dissolved. Most everyone found a decent
job.
It was still sad though. No one wanted to leave."
"I'm getting tired."
"Again?" she laughed. "OK O.K., we can sit down. Look at that.
Everyone in this
village is sleeping. It's so peaceful when it's like this. I haven't been in
this kind of quiet in so long. Now comes the end to our story. Just sit
tight. I'm almost finished."
It was our anniversary. Our 3rd. We had lived that happy life we always
wanted to. We didn't keep contact with either of our parents because we
wanted to avoid complications. You were already born by then. You were about
a year old, and very adorable, just like now. We were all about to go out to
dinner. Just the three of us. I was sitting at my dresser. I could see
Avinash putting on his tie behind me.
"If your parents could see is now, Radha, they would be impressed. Look at
us.
3 years, and we're living the ideal life. I wish they could see us now."
"Avi, must you bring my parents into every conversation?"
"All I'm saying is they shouldn't have opposed our marriage. If only they
knew. What did they say on the phone, anyway?" I looked down.
"Avi, I never called them."
"Called who? Your parents?" He was knotting his tie.
"Yes. I never called them. Never. They had no idea we were going to get
married." I could see his reflection looking at me, very surprised.
"Why did you do that? Why wouldn't you call them?" I turned around.
"I was scared, Avinash! I was afraid of what they would say. Supposing they
really did say no? If they did, I never would have gone on with this
marriage."
"You never told them." He repeated. "Why would they say no?"
I was afraid of
this.
"Because, because you weren't someone they would want me to marry."
"Really? Well who am I in there eyes?"
"No one bad, just someone who travels a lot. I guess they wouldn't want me
to
marry you because your life isn't stable."
"I'm unstable? You think I'm unstable? And how the hell would you know all
this? You never gave it a chance! You never called them!"
"But I love you! I'm here with you now and that's all that matters!"
"You've been lying to me for 3 years!" He was screaming now. You, you lied!
Had they said yes, our life would be perfect right now! Why are you so
scared?? Aren't you ever going to realize that the world doesn't cater to
you? Just because you think something is going to happen, doesn't mean you
blow it off altogether!"
"Don't lecture me! I don't need this!"
"You do need it! You need it because you don't know a thing about being
honest to anyone! To me, or your family. I had doubts about my parents saying
yes because you were just a village dancer! But I still called them!"
"Just a village dancer? Let me tell you something, Avinash! This village
dancer brought you the fame that you have today! And why are we together if
you think I'm just a village dancer?"
"You think I'm just a dance director."
"I knew this was wrong. Maybe I should leave. I'm taking Avinash with
me."
"Fine, Radha run! Run like you threatened to do when you didn't get your
way
on the stage! Go ahead! Be a baby! But Avinash stays right here." At this
point, I pulled out a large suitcase and was throwing my clothes in it, as
well as yours."
"I'm not leaving my child in a house with an unstable man like you."
"Oh and I suppose he's going to survive in some village? He needs to go to
school!"
"He will go to school!"
"In the village?? I want my son to have a future!!!" That was the last
insult.
"That is it. I don't want your stupid house!" I screamed, knocking
down a
vase. "I don't want your perfect life!" I swept everything off the
desk. "I
don't want to live my ultimate happiness fantasy!" I ripped the curtains.
"Most of all, I can't live with you!" I buckled up my suitcase.
By now, you
had been crying for a while. I picked you up and lifted up my suitcase. I
left the house without turning back. He didn't follow me.
"So you never called your parents like you said?"
"No. I was too scared. Just too afraid of what they would say."
"What happened to papa?"
I walked the streets for about half an hour, looking for a taxi. They were
all full. When I finally found one, I realized that I had left a picture of
my family back home, and that I wasn't willing to leave behind. I asked the
taxi to first take me home, then from there to my parents house. It was a lot
of money, but I had that at the time. The first think I noticed when we
reached Avinash's home was that his car was gone. I left you in the car, and
ran in, but no one was in there. He didn't leave a note, or a trace of packing
any of his belongings. Everything was the way I had left it. I went to go get
the picture, and looked around the house one more time. He wasn't there. I
got into the taxi, and we drove away, you and me. Into our new life.
"Did you ever find him?"
"No. There wasn't even a mention of him in the papers, so he couldn't have
continued his job. It was so mysterious. He seemed to have just disappeared.
When I reached home I broke down and explained everything to my mother and
father. Eventually, they forgave me and things got back on the normal track.
I wanted to cut all my ties off with dancing, because it would remind me of
my old life. So, I went back to school and I became a secretary for a well
known lawyer. You and I, we lived with my parents, your grandparents, for a
while. When they passed on, I found a nice apartment where we continued to
live. And that is where we live today."
"That's the story? I never get to know my father?"
"Avi, it's for the best."
"I suppose," he said, a little disappointed.
"Yes. It was all for the best."
THE END.
