SCENARIO: Rob and Nikki are husband and wife tired of the daily grind and are off to a new adventure in which not everything appears to be what it seems. They are on a train.

 

 

(Rob opens the door to a private car and stands in the doorway with Nikki beside him)

 

JACK:

 

I’m sorry, this is a private car.

 

ROB:

 

Yes I know. I spoke to the porter and he said they mistakenly over booked and it’s standing room only now in the coach cars and...I didn’t think it was a good idea for my pregnant wife to stand up. We’re only going 50 miles to the next station, do you...mind if we join you that far? I’d be willing to pay.

 

SARAH:

 

(looking at Jack) Sure...it’s okay honey, they look like such a nice couple.

 

NIKKI:

 

Oh thank you.

(they both walk in and Jack and Sarah both stand up)

 

ROB:

 

(shakes Jack’s hand) I’m Rob and this is my wife Nikki.

 

(Jack shakes Nikki’s hand as does Sarah)

JACK:

 

I’m Jack and this is my wife Sarah.

 

(Rob shakes Sarah’s hand as does Nikki and they all sit down) (to Rob)

 

Where are you folks from?

 

ROB:

 

We’re from everywhere really, mostly from the Midwest, and yourselves?

 

SARAH:

 

I’m from Argentina, where I met Jack while he was there with his company building bridges.

 

JACK:

 

Formerly from Philadelphia...I personally couldn’t wait to leave there. I hated it with all those damned WOPS.

                                                                                             ROB:

                                                                               WOPS huh? I’m Italian.

                                                                                             JACK:

                                                          I’m sorry, I was only talking about the bad elements.

                                                                                              ROB:

 

(pointing to Jack)                                Well, I’d still be careful of what you say mister.

 

JACK:

 

I said I was sorry.

 

NIKKI:

(to Rob)

 

Honey, don’t get upset like that, you’re starting to sound like one of those loud mouthed Jews that used to live next door to us.

 

JACK:

 

For your information, I’m Jewish!

 

NIKKI:

 

I was also talking about the bad elements. I’m sure you’re not one of those.

 

ROB:

 

Don’t bet on it.

 

SARAH:

(to Rob)

 

Don’t talk about my husband like that, you act like one of those self righteous Mormons I despise.

 

NIKKI:

(to Sarah) Hey sister, I’m a Mormon...and proud of it!

 

ROB:

 

(to Sarah and Jack) My god you two are bigots.

 

JACK:

(to Rob)

Who are you calling bigots? You both better leave right now or I’ll call a porter.

                                                                                           NIKKI:

(stands up and speaks to Jack)

 

Don’t shout orders at my husband you pompous ass! You started the whole thing when you brought up the subject of WOPS.

 

SARAH:

(stands up and points to Nikki)

 

Hey bitch! Don’t talk to my husband like that.

 

ROB:

(stands up and speaks to Sarah)

Who are you calling a bitch?

 

SARAH:

 

(to Rob) Your stupid wife, who do you think?

 

JACK:

(stands up and speaks to Rob)

 

You’re both a couple of low life losers. Get lost NOW!

 

NIKKI:

(with her hands on her hips, Bette Davis style)

 

Oh I see, a real pair of winners without prejudice and a better-than-thou attitude meet low lives like us. Is that right? MORONS!

 

(THIS NEXT DIALOGUE IS ALL FOUR PERSONS STANDING AND SHOUTING AT THE SAME TIME)

 

NIKKI:

(to Sarah)

 

You think you’re so high and mighty but you’re nothing but a pompous bitch with a superior attitude who wants to make someone slap your mouth.

 

ROB:

(to Jack)

 

I should let you have a good shot and see how you like it, I be you’d shut your big mouth then, you arrogant smug slob.

 

SARAH:

(to Nikki)

 

Look at yourself and tell me that you’re so sweet and innocent with a mouth like that. You should tape yourself and listen to it back, you slut!

                                                                                          JACK:

(to Rob)

 

Inviting you in was the biggest mistake I ever made. I should have known better than to mix with trash like you two losers.

 

ROB:

(pulls out a gun and waves it in the air)

Alright everybody...hold it!

 

(Looking at and pointing the gun at Jack and Sarah)

 

You two stand back to back, put your arms down by your side and be still.

 

JACK:

 

What are you going to do with us.

 

ROB:

 

And shut up!...Nikki, get your bag.

 

(Nikki gets her bag and pulls out a rope and two sashes, then grabs Jack’s hands and stretches them behind Sarah’s back and ties them with the rope and takes the remainder of the rope and ties it around both of them while Rob blindfolds each of them with a sash. Nikki then removes her wig and glasses and Rob removes his beard and mustache)

ROB:

(to Nikki)

 

I thought they’d never shut up. Can you believe these two? I guess they feel that having money gives them the right to downsize everyone else around them. Well...they’re gonna have time to think about how smart and superior they are now aren’t they?

 

NIKKI:

 

Yeah, a real pair.

 

ROB:

 

Alright honey, go to work.

                                                                                           NIKKI:

(goes through both of Jacks’ back pockets and produces a wallet, counts the money and hands it to Rob)

 

Oh sweetheart, look at this, $3000!

 

(going through Sarah’s overnight bag, producing a wallet, counts the cash)

 

Oh and look, another $1000!

 

(Goes through the bag and produces a string of pearls and a gold necklace and says the following words slowly before raising the items out of the bag and waiving them at Rob)

 

Oh...my...god.

 

(then while waving them) Look at this!

 

ROB:

 

Jesus! Who knows what they’re worth. Put them away Nikki and let me have the book.

 

(Nikki reaches into her bag and pulls out a hardbound book)

 

You know honey, this is the best present you ever bought me. No more cocktail waitressing for you and no more selling cars for me.

 

(looks at the front cover and reads aloud)

 

"Railway Destinations Of The Rich And Famous".

(opens book)

 

Alright let’s have a look at their summer schedule......Here we go, here’s an interesting route tomorrow morning. I smell another successful meeting with more rich "cultured" people, ha ha ha. That’s for us. Honey, by the time we get home we’ll have enough money to pay off the house and send Emily and Dan through law school. We’ll have plenty of protection when the kids graduate. With two lawyers in the family and plenty of money, there’s nothing we can’t get out of. We’re gonna do just fine baby.

 

NIKKI:

 

I love you sweetheart.

(kisses him)

 

(Voice over the intercom:)

 

Ladies and gentlemen, we’ll be pulling into Albuquerque in 5 minutes.

 

ROB:

 

Oh oh, we’d better hurry up honey.

(they leave the private car)

                                                                                             END