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Guns, Razors and Funny Poems
By Leslie Keress (USA)
Funny poems rule! They are the ultimate reward at an open mic event, unlike serious poems about who died, or why I write which has the audience zombie texting; Who cares? But wait! There’s rhyming humor. That’s it. Cat went rock climbing. Hit, it went sliding down. Meowing, vowing never again. Wow! Cat writes well. Unlike serious stories that involve too much listening or essays that are meant to be read. The listener yawns. Just silence.
Is he fucking up? Just a blur of statues with frozen cups of coffee, tea,
Frappuccinos. Worse yet, the mic’s turned low and no one can hear. What’s
the purpose? Boredom? Long live silence and Susie, my phone.
Someone’s texting, What’s up?
An open mic with the volume down, I text, frowning.
(LOL).
Poets are the center of the universe. If you don’t understand the poem,
you’re an imbecile.
The poet says, “I know what I wrote, what it means.”
“Good for you. I’m not a mind reader,” I reply.
Biased? I’m not. Laughter can prevent crime, falsifying, inequality, and wars. Believe me. How could anyone kill?… Nay, I say, “You can’t kill while laughing. Just start, come on. Give it a try. When someone points a gun at you, laugh.”
A message, It’s been done at an open mic.
Was it a bad poem? I texted.
No reply. Maybe, it’s a bad poet who deserves to be shot. It’s in style these days. Poets die sticking their heads in the oven, some jump out of basement windows. Others, as Dorothy Parker wrote, Razors pain you. Richard Cory had style. He used a gun.
Shel Silverstein had more style. He believed in funny poems, and wrote about a musty room with damp underwear hanging on a lamp. At an auction I found
that lamp, and Hanky Panky lace Euphegenia Doubtfire wore. It was a bargain. Framed it.
Hoarding underwear is a life style, and I’ve got selfies… worn, or not. Unfortunately, comedy doesn’t recognize sane people like me. Few Oscars. Gandhi beat Tootsie, The Full Monty lost to Titanic and let’s not forget Dr. Strangelove worrying about the bomb. The Oscars don’t laugh much when it comes to comedy. But I’m a winner. Laughter is my medicine.
Listen.
How many Americans does it take to change a lightbulb?
9 out of 10 couldn’t answer except for the 1%.
I know.
(It’s a math joke. Ha! Ha!)
https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/guns-razors-funny-poems-leslie-keress-bruce-cook-sl6xc
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