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Say it Once, Say it Right
by
Sandy Tritt
www.InspirationForWriters.com
Let’s
face it. We’re writers because we
love words. We love the way they
sound and we love the way they roll
off our tongues. We love to string
them together and give meaning to
our existence through them. Words
are our babies. And one of the
toughest things we must do as
professional writers is to weed
through these babies we’ve created
and eliminate those that don’t pull
their own weight. Yes, we are
talking infanticide here. Killing
our babies.
Redundancy is one of the
carnal sins of writers. We don’t
trust our words to do their job. We
don’t trust our reader to catch our
meaning the first time. So we repeat
ourselves. Unfortunately, any word
that doesn’t add to a story,
detracts.
Now, before you slam
this book shut on me, let me offer
an alternative. For large groups of
words that I just don’t have the
heart to kill, I keep a file on my
hard drive titled “Babies.” Whenever
I write (what I consider) beautiful
prose that just doesn’t fit my
story, I cut it from my manuscript
and move it to my “Babies” file.
That way, I don’t feel like a
murderer.
But for those little
redundancies, the little repetitions
(like in this sentence), the best
alternative is death. Let’s take a
look at an example:
Shelly sat
cross-legged on the over-sized sofa.
Her life was about to change. She
peeked inside the envelope. The
letter in the envelope was neatly
folded. She took the letter out of
the envelope and opened it. She was
afraid of what it would say. She was
scared that Larry was giving her the
brush-off. Her trembling hands held
the paper open. With great
trepidation, she read the words that
would change her life forever. She
would never be the same again.
Okay, redundancy
irritates us. Did the writer think
we were so bored we had nothing
better to do than read the same
thought over again? Or did the
writer just think we were too stupid
to catch on to what was happening?
My guess is that the writer was
trying to slow down the pacing and
became lazy.
Regardless of the
reason, we, as writers, don’t want
to irritate our readers. Therefore,
we need to use care in choosing
words that best say what we need to
say, and then say those words once.
We gotta trust our words to do their
job and we gotta trust our reader to
do his. So, let’s revisit Shelly’s
letter and see what we can do with
it:
Shelly sat
cross-legged on the over-sized sofa
and peeked inside the envelope. She
removed the neatly folded letter and
opened it. Her hands trembled as she
read the words that would change her
life forever.
Well—it’s better, but we can see the
need to slow the pacing. To do that,
we can add one of the following to
the paragraph:
·
“She wiped her palms on the shirt
Larry had given her.”
·
Something to give the depth of her
feelings: “She wouldn’t be able to
bear life without Larry.”
·
The use of other senses: “The letter
smelled of Old Spice. Shelly took a
deep whiff and imagined Larry
sitting next to her, holding her
hand, rubbing her knuckles, bringing
her fingers to his lips for a soft
kiss.”
Redundancy can also come
in the form of a single word or
phrase. For example, “free gift” or
“sum total.” Entire websites are
devoted to naming and eliminating
these little nuisances.
Some writers repeat
ideas in a list, such as, “She
was tired, worn out, and exhausted.”
Okay. Wouldn’t just saying she was
exhausted serve the purpose? Better,
say it more creatively and actively,
like, “Exhaustion hung to her
like possums to their mama.”
(just kidding!)
Be aware of repetition
in your writing. Crisp prose has no
room for it. So, the next time you
feel like a redundancy, repeat this
to yourself ten times:
Any word that doesn’t add to your
prose, detracts from it.
Any word that doesn’t
add to your prose, detracts from it.
Any word that doesn’t
add to your prose, detracts from it.
Any word that doesn’t
add to your prose, detracts from it.
Any word that doesn’t
add to your prose, detracts from it.
Any word that doesn’t
add to your prose, detracts from it.
Any word that doesn’t
add to your prose, detracts from it.
Any word that doesn’t
add to your prose, detracts from it.
Any word that doesn’t
add to your prose, detracts from it.
Any word that doesn’t
add to your prose, detracts from it.
Exercise: Say it Once, Say it Right
Give
your hand a try at eliminating these
redundancies.
1.
Janie had a tiny little hand
2.
Wilbur ate quickly, in a hurry, and
rushed through dinner.
3.
Jacqueline looked at the old antique
and quietly whispered to the
neighbor next to her.
4. “I
don’t wanna go home!” she whined.
5.
“Don’t touch me,” she warned.
6.
There was three seconds left on the
clock. The arena was quiet, totally
silent. Not a sound was heard
anywhere. No one shouted. No one
breathed. No one moved. Michael
stood on the court and posed, then
raised his arms and aimed the
basketball at the net. He shot the
basketball. It left his hands and in
slow motion, it lifted into the
weightless air, then silently slid
through the net without so much as a
swoosh. The quiet crowd exploded
with cheers, catcalls, applause,
clapping and screaming. With less
than a single second left on the
time clock, the Lakers stole the
lead. They won. They had done it.
(Hint: my solution to this one might
surprise you)
(c)
copyright 2002 by Sandy Tritt. All
rights reserved, except for those
listed here. The article can be reproduced
for educational purposes (such as for
writer's workshops), as long as this
copyright notice and the url: http://tritt.wirefire.com
are distributed with the pages. For
use in conferences or other uses not
mentioned here, please contact Sandy
Tritt at
www.InspirationForWriters.com.for permission and additional
resources at no or limited charge.
Keep writing!
Sandy
Tritt
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Stranger than Fiction
by
Sharif Khan
I recently had the pleasure of watching Marc Forster’s film, Stranger Than
Fiction, which I found to be a delightfully charming, intelligent comedy
written by first-time screenwriter Zach Helm. I give it two guitars up. Way
up. (Platonically speaking of course).
It’s about an uptight IRS agent, Harold Crick (Will Ferrell), who realizes
that his mundane life is being narrated by the voice of a chain-smoking
novelist played by Emma Thompson. The novelist is suffering from a bad case
of writer’s block and is on the verge of a nervous breakdown because she
can’t decide the ending to her story.
Going mad with the constant narration in his head that accurately predicts
his every move, Crick solicits the help of a literature professor (Dustin
Hoffman) to help find his voice. To his utter shock and dismay, Crick learns
that the voice of his narrator belongs to this eccentric author that writes
tragedies in which her heroes are killed off.
But Crick does not want to die! For the first time in his life he is
discovering who he really is and what his true passions are. He sets out to
meet the author with the determination to alter his fate. And upon meeting,
the two worlds collide. The author is petrified to see that her main
character has come to life and that he is very real indeed.
I can certainly relate to this movie as a writer working on my first
inspirational novel. The movie raises some intriguing questions: What does
it mean to be real? To find
one’s voice? To express one’s voice? Who is narrating our story? Can fate be
altered? Where do the boundaries of fiction and non-fiction collide?
I certainly don’t pretend to know the answers. I can only share my
perspective as a writer. One of the challenges writers face is to know their
characters inside and out and to have a complete understanding of the world
they have created so that everything magically comes to life. As the
story-writing guru, Robert McKee, likes to say, “Not a sparrow should fall
in the world of a writer that he wouldn’t know.”
I believe in a sense that we are all writers. We are writers of our own
play. In
The Hero Soul
(www.HeroSoul.com),
I close the last chapter of my book with a quote from Shakespeare:
“All the world’s a stage,
And all the men and women merely players.
They have their exits and their entrances,
And one man in his time plays many parts,
His acts being seven ages.”
The world is a stage upon which we perform. Each age consisting of the acts
and scenes of the play. But it’s our
play. We choose how we act in each scene moment by moment. What type of play
do
we
want to write? What type of a life do we
want to live?
Realizing that he is going to be killed off, Harold Crick asks the literary
professor for advice. The professor gives him a deceptively simple answer,
“Go
live your
life! Do what you love to do!”
At first, Crick is offended by the professor’s triteness; but he realizes
later that he has no control over his mortality and decides to do just that:
live his life. He’s always wanted to play the guitar but never really had
the time. For the first time in his life he walks into a guitar shop and
sees this wicked turquoise guitar starring back at him. He picks up the
guitar and begins strumming. In that moment his life is transformed from a
tragedy into a divine comedy.
What have we been denying ourselves? What type of play do we want to have a
starring role in? Sometimes we act in an “If Only” play with a bit part in
shoulding all over ourselves until we are mired deep in our own pile of
dung.
I should write a novel. I should
exercise. I should be a painter. I should start my own business. I should go
on a dream vacation. If only I was younger. If only I was older. If only I
had the money. If only I had the time.
In the professional world of writing there is a clause known as the “kill
fee.” The kill fee is a fee paid by the editor to the writer for an assigned
piece of writing that is killed off and never published. It’s usually a
percentage of the total amount that was originally agreed upon between the
editor and writer. Although there can be many reasons for rejecting a piece,
the kill fee is often executed because the writing simply isn’t up to par.
When we’re not being our best selves, when we’re not expressing our unique
voice, when we’re not being true to ourselves and not doing what we love to
do, something inside of us dies. Life then pays us a kill fee: something
less than what we truly deserve.
Are we living a life that’s worthy of being published, or will we live a
life of mediocrity and accept the kill fee that’s assigned to us?
Sharif Khan (http://www.herosoul.com;
sharif@herosoul.com)
is a freelance writer, inspirational keynote speaker, and author of the
leadership bestseller, "Psychology of the Hero Soul." He publishes his
monthly Hero Soul ezine for cutting-edge advice on success, leadership and
personal growth. To contact Sharif Khan about his writing and motivational
speaking services, call: 416-417-1259.
Copyright © 2005 by Sharif Khan
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AuthorMe in 2007
by
Bruce Cook
The publishing world has radically
changed for new writers. In the
recent past, chances of publication
were slim to none, unless you used a
vanity press costing thousands.
Today new writers are creating Print
on Demand Books with no initial
outlay.
With such a change, Author-me also
needs to change.
First, rather than simply posting
stories, we are considering them for
inclusion in our new paperback book
series scheduled to emerge under the
ReserveBooks.com label. Also, if a
single author has a complete work
which they consider worthy of
publication on Author-me (as
excerpts) and as a paperback book,
we are willing to consider setting
this up for them with
Lulu.com. (See, for example, the
book we just put together for
Alfredo G. Herrera, Reaching An Loc,
now available from Lulu.com for
$6.63 plus shipping.) See
http://www.lulu.com/content/603568
Second, we continue the service
which other writing websites skip -
actual editorial feedback, and a
system which represents the typical
structure of a publishing house. We
are not a service where someone can
just drop 100 poems onto a web page,
for this only serves the vanity of a
writer. We feel it is important to
improve every work we receive
(although we occasionally
receive manuscripts which require no
revision).
Third, we remain open to audio and
video clips to go along with
stories, as long as these are
properly licensed, etc. In January
we will move to a web host with an
amazing 25 gigabytes of disk space
and 500 gigabytes of bandwidth
dedicated to our use, so there is
little that we cannot do for you. I
would like to see authors try
experimenting by reading their
stories aloud so we
can post it in audio form.
Fourth, we have simplified our
submission process. The best way to
submit your manuscript is this:
1. You must first register (which
you have done if you receive this
newsletter) at ...
http://author-me.com/forms/member.html
2. You can then submit your
manuscript to us on a highly secure
server using the link on our home
page (left column):
http://www.author-me.com
We have other ideas too, but we'd
like to hear from you. Write us at
cookcomm@gte.net!
Please rate this Ezine at the Cumuli Ezine Finder.
http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/ra79672.rate
AOL Users Click Here
Announcement from Patricia Fry
Patricia Fry has added 3 dozen more
FREE resources and articles for
freelance writers and authors to her
generously informative Web site. If
you haven't visited
www.matilijapress.com to peruse
and use the 260 strong resource list
and highly useful articles, here's
your chance.
Patricia Fry is the president of
SPAWN (Small Publishers, Artists
and Writers Network)
www.spawn.org and the author
of 25 books, including "The
Right Way to Write, Publish and
Sell Your Book,"
www.matilijapress.com
Visit our sister websites...
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Publishing New Writers,
January, 2007 (no. 801)
Publisher: Bruce L. Cook, P.O. Box 451, Dundee, IL 60118.
Fax (847) 428-8974.
Submissions/comments cookcomm@gte.net.
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