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In This issue... Dialogue for a Detective Novel
(Sounds like a catchy title for a book)

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I look at dialogue in a slightly different manner. ... (continued below)

Dialogue for a Detective Novel
(Sounds like a catchy title for a book)

By K S Mulholland (Australia)

Because I come from a television background, I look at dialogue in a slightly different manner. I find that it can and does drive the story, without the usual added description of what the characters are doing at the time: laughing, sitting, sobbing, angry, happy or weary.

I often read: 'Why don't we sit here, the waiter will take our order,' he said quietly. (or calmly, or threateningly, or chuckling, or exasperatedly).

I'm used to reading scripts which tell you only what character is speaking and what they say. e.g.

Acosta

'... so you're up here from Charlottesville Ma'am... Miss, visiting folks. Why do you find the need to engage a detective?'

Melody

‘My family are BrightLeaf Tobacco; generations of us, Mr Acosta. Nothing unusual ’bout that. Yet somethin’ came of that. It’s about the death of a black man we used to employ.’

Acosta

‘A black man?

’ Melody

‘That’s correct. Beauregard Danson and all his family were hunted down and murdered on the street; much to my family’s shame. We sent them on their course and they were killed for it.’

Acosta

‘With respect Miss Harrington, there are certainly many Private Detective Agencies between here and Virginia...’

Melody

‘Why of course, Mr Acosta; but the murders of Beauregard Danson and his family happened much closer, in New Jersey, where they lived in Trenton. And folks I know from a long time ago recommended your agency by name. Seems that your confederate, if I may use that term, over there on the phone was mentioned. So I do believe you travel at need.’

Acosta

‘Yes, of course we travel Miss Harrington...’

Melody

‘Well then Mr Acosta, perhaps for privacy sake, it might be best if you interviewed me where I’m staying at the Algonquin Hotel. I’ll leave my card with your receptionist.’

Acosta

‘Sure Miss Harrington. Don’t you want to know our rates?’

Melody

‘We are BrightLeaf Tobacco. That will not be necessary. Say, tomorrow at ten.’

But, if you remove the character names and leave space between their dialogue, the quotation marks tell you who's speaking in a two-hander and often the character's mention each other by name, or in events that have relevant meaning. Much of this, in a tight paced story, adds to the speed of the tale. It is "They" who tell us what happened, is happening, will happen, without the use of the author's descriptive phrases. This technique can be used where several characters continue dialogue for longer passages, without the writer stepping in. e.g.

A door opened behind her and in strolled three men; her father I guessed, her uncle I’d already met, and behind them a third, younger man.

‘This is a surprise darling; you didn’t tell me that you were expecting company.’ Said the foremost.

‘Oh, I wasn’t Father. These two people just dropped by unexpectedly.’

‘Well, best introduce them then.’

I got in first. ‘My name’s Frank Shutter and over there is Mr Sam Diamond.’

‘Yes, Father that’s right; Mr Shutter and Mr Diamond are here… Oh I’m sorry gentlemen, this is my Father Sumner Harrington and my uncle, Senator Redver Harrington, and Milo Darvel, son of Senator Arlo Darvel.’

‘Yes, I’ve met Mr Shutter previously, though not his companion,’ said Redver Harrington, who proceeded to seat himself. Drawing a cigar from a coat pocket, he produced a pack of matches and lit up.

His brother Sumner found his way to the liquor cabinet and poured himself a large whisky.

‘Milo is my... friend.’ Melody trotted him forward like a prize steer, and Milo said, ‘Pleased to meet you Mr Shutter, what caused you and your man to drop by?’

'Well, let’s get this straight Mr Darvel. I’m a private detective and my man is actually a friend of mine who just happened to’ve had his wife and youngest child blown up and killed while they harboured me in their home.

’ ‘Good God!’ spluttered Milo Darvel. ‘That’s awful! I’m sorry, really sorry for you Mr Diamond. What can we...’

‘What might we do?’ said Sumner Harrington, pouring another generous splash of liquor into his glass. 'Well, give our condolences to you of course Mr Diamond...’

Description of characters.
In Victorian times, these were long and somewhat convoluted. In recent times these have evolved into somewhat tiring efforts.

Here is one of mine.

When she walked in, promptly at eleven-thirty, even Buzz stopped typing.

Mitch, who was back from Sam’s Diamond Cuts, slicked down his hair and tried to look anything but the hound dog he’d become.

Acosta, who had his back to the door, was saying, ‘You know Frank, kids are always a blessing...’

I indicated he should turn around, and when he did, he got an eyeful.

‘I’m Melody Harrington, and I do declare, you are the most handsome man in the room Mr Acosta.’

Azus hit his chair like some dumbstruck freshman. Before him stood a five-four brunette, with the peaches and cream complexion of a Miss Virginia State. Or maybe, not so much of the first two syllables.

But, I gotta admit, she was a knockout. Oh sure, the fashion writers could describe her, but to me she was just one word. Swell.

Okay, that description is from a hard-boiled detective from the 1930s, but you can use your own imagination to fill in the blanks, and what you come up with will work for you as the individual reader. All the writer needs to do is suggest, and the rest is reader visualisation.

Here's how it could have been:

But, I gotta admit, she was striking; short brimmed, sloped soft-green fedora, cream gloves, red polka-dot white top under a long open moss-green coat and matching skirt. She was a knockout.

That, from a private detective, was much too much wardrobe. He'd never see her as anything, but 'Swell.'

Just to recap. Here's another sample of dialogue between two people:

S S Chapman. Legal Attorney Agent. NY. Along with a phone number and Chapman’s address. Flipped over, the card read, He’s the guy that could get you out for a time until you get arraigned by the Feds for the McQuire killing.

Eventually I earned the prize of an outgoing call and used it to ring Chapman. I got the run-around but finally connected with him.

‘Chapman!’

‘This is Frank Shutter ringing you from Rikers island prison.’

‘You know Arnold Busby?’

‘Sure.’

‘Told me about you, suggested that I wait on your call.’

‘Right. I’m calling.’

‘Want to get out?

’ ‘That would be peachy.’

‘I’ll see what I can do.

See what you can do without the, "he said nonchalantly".

Try writing dialogue only. Keep it terse and tense. After you've read it, only add back in what you feel is needed.

K. M. Varlarsaga Series by K M Mulholland

Varlarsaga, Vol 1 - Escape, by K.S. Mulholland (book)

Varlarsaga, Vol 2 - Recovery, by K.S. Mulholland (book)

Varlarsaga, Vol 3 - Consolation, by K.S. Mulholland (book)

Copyright 2024 K S Mulholland

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Publishing New Writers,

December, 2024 (vol. 25, no. 1)

Publisher:

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