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Strange Love in a Strong Heart

By Dr. Claude Shema Rutagengwa


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1. Introduction

-Darling, I love you so much!
-I love you to babe.
-I want to be with you for the rest of my life!
-Yeah, I want to be yours only even after this life, in heaven.
-Even if you will go to the hell, I will prefer to follow you my darling, etc…

And when we are in love, we use all possible interesting, sweet, delicious names whenever we want to call our lovers. But when we look at the deepest dimension of analysing what “love” is about, we come up with confusion and some strange definitions.

Look:  “Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm; for love is as strong as death, its jealously unyielding as the grave. It burns like a blazing fire, like a mighty flame. Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot wash it away. If one were to give all the wealth of his house for love, it would be utterly scorned.”

Or when we look at this scripture also we find some thing interesting:

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

All those above mentioned nice and emotional words and more similar ones are used often to express better how we feel ourselves, or to impress our targets, or our defined preys. In doing so, we use a very deep and exciting kind of art.
Since countless trillions of years ago, the word “love” existed still, but to me, it has never been described in one word, or by single phrase. And this kind of inner complexity of love, became likely confusing, especially when it comes to the so-called "being in love”, because it touches a very strange and strong dimension of humane mind, and surpasses our level of understanding, then we become overwhelmed, and out of self-control level, and this led to another step of confusion, extreme desire, and end up with a certain level of stress, frustration, anger, and even to the dissociation. In other words, from life, to death.

Nevertheless, despite that no one single word does exist to describe what love is, in spite of all risks and confusions brought by love itself the fact of being in love, every single human being agrees that love exists or at least does believe in love, or isinterested in love, or simply can get the minimum possible benefits earned from love.

And surprisingly believers and non-believers even atheists, scientists, fighters and peacemakers, all kind of people believe in love or at least they collect some profits from love.

So far, however we call it, the so called “love” does exists, no matter what we do with it.
Therefore, every single individual has right to be or not in love. Just matter of self need and desires, in line with independence and freedom. Because any forced love would not be called love, violated or abused-love instead.

Long lasting love.

2. Love’s life-time

Probably, because of mass confusion related to their own experience, notably abuse or lack of love or poor and unstable disturbing social individual conditions, disappointment, many people do not believe in love, and say that “love doesn’t exist”. But succeeded and lucky ones - who are/have been in love successfully do believe in it.

But if we try to look at love life time, we can see that love does exist, and has all three great times of its existence: -birth (beginning), -growth (existence), -death (end)!

And surprisingly, we doubt on the existence of love only in case the love dies (ended).Because when we are in the period of collecting the fruits of love from lover/s, we really enjoy it at maximum, and the absolute proof of this fact is that in all languages from the whole cultures and continents even societies, or communities under the untouchable blue sky (the whole planet I mean), we call our beloved ones "my love”.
It sounds nice and clear now! Hmmm!


But when we fail, unsuccessful love provokes anger, frustration, disappointment, and our good feeling of love becomes worse, and love disappears and stays away from us, then we enter into the darkness of confusing thoughts. Then we come up with an aberration by saying that love doesn’t exist.

Yes it doesn’t exist, because you are not in it. That is clear. If you had it, you wouldn’t have said like that, because there is no lamentation/complains in a mood of satisfaction.

Well, when we look at the life-time of love, we can have some ideas on each stage. But never forget that love is a crosscutting issue. It concerns all angles of our life. We do love - like our lovers, relatives, nations, other creators, invisible God, Jesus, and so on…  

2.1 Birth of love    

Before we talk about the life time of love, it’s better to start with the roots, pillars and nest of love. This is actually the innate sentiment of love before falling in love, or getting in touch with your future lover. Then all those kind of innate feelings led to the first step of love, which is a reference point based on attractions and fascinations.

In its life circle, love does have reference point. And this is what I would call "the birth of love”. At this stage, there are only some slights signs of goodwill from inside the suitor side or individual. Then from feeling to some actions, like:

 -romantic look eyes, winks, impressive attitudes, exiting prey/target, etc…

And in doing so, there must be some very kind and stimulating words, like:

-hello, nice to meet you, you look so nice; you are beautiful, smart, cool! sexy, handsome, wonderful, cute, very good, kind, humble, etc… This is a very crucial moment to the suitor

When there is willingness on both sides, predator and prey, the predator and prey game change, instead of being one way from predator (the person who fell first), it becomes more close and friendly. Then the openness chases away the fear and intimidation on suitor side, and then some new grammatical words come in like “I am interested in you. I have fallen in love with you. I feel like I like you. You are the most fascinating person I have ever met before, you are so sweet. Can we stay in touch? I want you, etc. But all this also can differ from one individual to another, and gradually depends on environment as well as context. But most important to know, love without interest never exists in this context. Because none can be interested in something or in someone else without little-medium-or huge interest in that person.

The interests can vary, of course, and can change time to time as well. Some few examples  of   interests can be seen as direct interests or benefits like: fantasy, curiosity (interracial relationships, ages, origin, etc.), pride (the position, celebrity of the partner), fulfilling desires, protection, etc., and those interests can change time to time, just a matter of circumstances, contexts, environment, and natural dynamism of  human being’s mind.  Ex: Q: Why do I love…? Answer: because she/he is…has…!

That means that the life-time of love between lovers will depend on the basic interest/s of the lovers. But of course it can be affected also by a simple human being’s mind situation.

    1. The core time of love


The time of body-based activities, and increased levels of extreme physical contact, needs both side. It depends on the functions of the body system, and human body natural hormones (like Ghremlin). But here, I’d like to talk about the so called “love” between individuals, especially sexual-oriented love, instead of love to other creators or items…  

This is very important period in someone’s life, and the real time of love.

This step is normally characterized by the actions related to responding to all needs and desires of our body. The time of wonderful feelings, sometimes confusions, hopelessness and hope. Most love-based actions are linear on the beginning, like kissing on hands, forehead, kissing the given gifts from a friend, kissing lips superficially, sharing drinks or meals, joint physical activities, taking care of each other, all these  face to face or virtually, etc…

But the last act of love according to what we can call the real love life time, is “Romance & making love with mind and body-Sex”, to fulfil our natural innate body desires.

Therefore, making sex and making love are two different things. But there is a close similarity in them, often creating confusion to the weak fallen lover. The idea is that someone can make sex without love (bitch, or porn stars, etc…), cheaters, sex abusers, etc…!

For example, Peter said that he fell in love (or he loves) with Janet. And they call themselves “lovers.” But, the hidden agenda of Peter, in his relationship with Janet, is that he was attracted by Janet’s celebrity, because she a famous star singer. Then Peter will be famous and proud of being Janet’s partner. Nothing else. What will happen then when Janet will be no longer that kind of personality? 

But, if Janet had a chance to keep her talent and her chance up, nothing bad can break down her relationship with Peter, because Peter’s interests or desires are being fulfilled day by day.

So? Being in love (love and be loved by someone whom you love) is the best ever heaven on this earth! Love is the only thing that can drive to the total positive loss of mind, temporary-Hysteria, towards ecstasy! So strong is love!

Why is love often shaped with a small image of a heart?

Answer: simply because the heart responds to the brain’s queries through hormonal reactions which force the poor heart to beat heavily (increase blood pressure) in order to provide all necessary energy - actually blood - to every single part of the body. Just to be on standby mode for any imminent action of love. 

That is a reason why we need strong heart in order to be in love. Strange love in a strong heart!   

2.3. The death of love

Ladies and gentlemen, it is so insane to say, and I have a deep sorrow to say, that all we have said in previous paragraphs must have an end. Sometimes the end can be perfect especially when it is happens in harmony and in consent of both side, or simply by a natural death of 2 lovers. But it hurts a lot when only one side gives up while another side wanted more time in love. The left side becomes sad, and sorrow takes place, nostalgia of good memories as well. The loneliness comes in, confusion, anxiety, stress, disappointment, feelings and frustration gain the field of a weakened   poor lover, and flashbacks mixed up with regret overwhelm the entire capacity of self-wisdom, and then doubts comes again. ”Does love exist? If so why this, why that? Why me? Why? Why?”

Better to be in love with a strong heart capable of assuming good and sweet feelings, or to tackle bad consequences.  If not, don’t. And be aware of making love without heart but only with body instead.

Love does exist, but our mind needs to decide when, why, how, where, with whom, to be in love!